Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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