I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
