Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
