Please, let me fuck your mom
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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