OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
