i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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