Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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