Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
id be glad to
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
