Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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