she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
