dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
