I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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