.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
