The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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