got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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