I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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