Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
