I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
