afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
