So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
