He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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