Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
