she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
