I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
