dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
