i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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