Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
