my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
