Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
