At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
