dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
