Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
