i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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