Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
