I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
did you just send me my own nude
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
