we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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