the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
