I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
