My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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