planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
