DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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