Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
