I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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