come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
