Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
