I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
