Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
