cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
