I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
