i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
How external is "for external use only"?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
