I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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