Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
